The rotten, popular kids punk high-school geek Marty (Simon Scuddamore, who, as far as anyone knows, never worked in movies before or since), when Carol (babe-a-licious B-flick staple Caroline Munro) gets him into a shower in the girls’ locker room, and makes him think she’s going to do the nasty with him. It’s all a set-up, with video cameras and Marty’s privates exposed for everyone to see, and Marty’s head getting jammed down a toilet (and, in some ways, it’s all rather reminiscent of the opening scene of Carrie)…

But the mean kids don’t stop there: They give Marty a joint, and in a chemistry-lab mishap involving nitric acid, he catches fire. But, of course, Marty isn’t dead — just really badly scarred — and, as far as the mean kids know, he’s been committed to a hospital somewhere.

Some time later (like, a few years, maybe), he lures the mean kids back to the now-abandoned high school for a fake reunion party… and from there, the picture turns into part haunted-house / part locked-in-a-mental-asylum / ALL-slasher flick, with the testosterone-driven jocks and the hateful bitch-cheerleader types dispatched every few minutes in a variety of ways, including impalement, an acid bath, a poisoning that results in an Alien-flavored stomach-exploding scene, the old reliable electrocute-the-copulating-couple scene, and a combination drop-the-jacked-up-car-on-the-guy-AND-slice-his-wrist-at-the-same-time trick (which has never been repeated since).

Finally, it’s a showdown between Carol and Marty, who’s been stalking her in a jester’s suit (oh, his locker-room humiliation took place on April Fool’s Day — which was his birthday too, the poor sap). She pushes Jester Boy through a window just as the clock strikes noon (when April Fool’s Day is supposed to end) — but do you think he’s really dead this time? Of course not.

He chases her with a spear-like thing (a javelin, maybe?), and she ends up back in the girls’ locker room, where everything started…

Believe it or not, everything you expect DOES happen: It is Marty under the jester’s mask, and he does kill Carol. No last-minute surprises here. Well, except that, after he kills Carol, Marty is confronted by the zombie-like ghosts of his victims, and suddenly, we’re into Carnival of Souls / Dawn of the Dead territory…

But wait! There’s more! None of this ever happened! It’s all one big, horrible hallucination of Marty’s — and (with his acid-burned head wrapped in bandages) he wakes up screaming in the hospital. A doctor, hearing his screams, enters his room…

But wait! That’s not really Marty under the sheets! The nurse leaning over the bed is Marty! And he jams a hypodermic needle into the doctor’s face. The End.

A classic of bottom-of-the-barrel, lower-than-low-budget ’80s slasher flicks, Slaughter High is a must-see… whether for the now-taboo pot-smoking and coke-snorting, the gigantic vintage Flock of Seagulls hairstyles and leopard-print outfits, the full-frontal male nudity, and/or Caroline Munro’s memorable bazongas. Utterly hilarious (and highly recommended) drek.

Tags: movie spoilers